


The Calculation

by apolesen



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Data tries to understand humans, Diary/Journal, F/M, Humor, Matchmaking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 19:47:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17372171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apolesen/pseuds/apolesen
Summary: Chief O'Brien seems down. Geordi suggests setting him up. Data decides to approach the problem like any other – scientifically.





	The Calculation

**Second Officer’s Personal Log, Stardate 43473.6**  
As part of my attempts at gaining a better understanding of human interaction, I have decided to construct a number of algorithms for specific tasks. It was Geordi who prompted the decision to construct the first such algorithm. Yesterday, he observed that Chief O’Brien appeared downcast, and said that “we should set him up”. This, I learned, was not the same idiom as “to set up” meaning to falsely implicate that someone is guilty of a crime, but a different idiom meaning to arrange a meeting between two people who are not acquainted, especially with the hope that they will form a romantic bond. 

As I have observed that humans take much comfort in romantic interactions, I have decided I will follow Geordi’s advice and set Chief O’Brien up with an appropriate mate. 

There are 1579 individuals aboard the _Enterprise_. Of them, 738 are married or have equivalent status. A further 21 can be eliminated due to their age. I have learned that romantic and sexual preferences are often central to a person’s identity. It is therefore important that the person I choose is one towards whom Chief O’Brien would feel attraction. As such information is not given in service files, and an attempt to gain access to medical files or asking Dr Crusher would be both unethical and illegal, I decided to ask the chief himself. He appeared surprised, but informed me that his preference is for women. This brings the number of potential mates down to 410 individuals. As most humanoids prefer to form intimate relationships with people of the same species, it is appropriate to include only humans, making the number 384. Furthermore, anyone above the rank of lieutenant, and anyone working in the transporter rooms should be eliminated, to avoid any conflict of interest. This leaves 261 individuals. I will further narrow down this list after my next watch. 

 

 **Stardate 2873.8**  
I have little personal experience with matters of attraction, which has made it difficult to establish parameters to narrow down my list. I know that physical appearance is a common way to chose potential mates, but Chief O’Brien did not specify any preferences in height, body-type, complexion, hair etc. While I have a keen sense of aesthetics, it seldom translates to sentient beings. What is considered attractive between different cultures vary widely, even more so when individual preferences are taken into account. For these reasons I have rejected physical appearance as a preliminary way to narrow down the list. 

Instead, I have considered other characteristics. I have heard that for a romantic relationship to succeed, it must be founded on friendship. This made me ask what humans value in their friends. Studies say honesty, a sense of humour, empathy, punctuality. I realise that these characteristics are too general to be of help. I therefore turned to my own experiences of friendship. The person on this ship whose company I most enjoy is Geordi. What, I ask myself, makes him my friend? Our first conversations were about engineering. We both enjoy mystery holodeck programs. The fact that Geordi utilises advanced technology in his daily life may also have made us closer. Although his relationship to technology is different to mine, his understanding of the questions of technology and humanity that I have grabbled with my whole life is better than anyone else’s on this ship. 

I therefore conclude that shared interests and shared experiences are the key. My interactions with Chief O’Brien have mainly been professional, with the exception of the string quartet. Therefore, I have asked crew-members who are more closely acquainted with the Chief about his interests and hobbies. I have compiled the following list: 

– Classical music (plays the cello on a near-professional level)  
– Kayaking (aptitude uncertain, as he has been injured during holodeck simulations on multiple occasions)  
– Model making (including impossible bottle-type models and military miniatures)  
– Earth history

I am currently compiling all information on interests of potential mates, and will then compare them with the data on Chief O’Brien. 

 

 **Stardate 43473.9**  
After calculating for a total of seventeen hours, I have identified the best person to ‘set up’ with Chief O’Brien. Professor Keiko Ishigawa is a botanist assigned to the Enterprise as part of the program of allowing civilian scientists access to Starfleet resources. I am personally acquainted with her, as we play in the woodwind quartet together. This will make facilitating a meeting far easier. 

The reasons why I believe Professor Ishigawa and Chief O’Brien will enjoy each other’s company are as follows: 

– They both have an interest in music. Professor Ishigawa plays the clarinet; Chief O’Brien plays the cello. Several beautiful pieces have been written for the clarinet and cello.  
– They both have experience with boats. Professor Ishigawa once mentioned that her father owned a small boat which she would help sail during her childhood. Chief O’Brien enjoys kayaking and has an interest in naval history.  
– They are both interested in practical pursuits that require fine motor skills and artistic talent: Chief O’Brien builds models, and Professor Ishigawa does calligraphy. 

Furthermore, they share some other characteristics: 

– They are of similar age (Chief O’Brien was born in 2328, Professor Ishigawa in 2329)  
– They are both the middle child of three, although Professor Ishigawa has sisters and Chief O’Brien has brothers.  
– They were both born and grew up on islands. 

Two issues remain. While Professor Ishigawa’s marital status is single, she might be in a romantic relationship that has not been registered. Furthermore, I do not know if she has any sexual interest in men, or for that matter if she at this time wishes to pursue a romantic relationship. I will aim to learn the answers to these questions before continuing further. 

 

 **Stardate 43474.2**  
I worry that there may be something wrong with my calculations. 

This evening after our weekly woodwind quartet practice, I approached Professor Ishigawa. At first she appeared to think I was suggesting myself as a romantic partner, a prospect with which she did not seem comfortable. She was clearly relieved that I explained that, while I have programming for such relationships, I have no interest in utilising them at present. She suggested, correctly, that the sentiment I was attempting to describe was “I value our friendship too much for that”. When I brought up the topic of Chief O’Brien, she seemed intrigued. As I knew that the Chief had just finished his shift, I suggested Professor Ishigawa and I go to Ten Forward so I could make the introductions. 

As I had expected, we found Chief O’Brien in the bar, and I introduced him to Professor Ishigawa. What followed puzzled me. Both exhibited physical signs of attraction to one another. The Chief became flustered enough that he developed a mild stammer. Professor Ishigawa’s behaviour indicated romantic interest too, as she offered to get Chief O’Brien another drink. However, both seemed uncomfortable and spoke little. I informed them of their similar interests, but none led to more conversation. Eventually Chief O’Brien excused himself. 

I am at a loss what went wrong. I wonder where I miscalculated, but I cannot find a flaw in my reasoning. 

 

 **Stardate 43474.2, continued**  
The prospect of my attempts at finding a possible partner for Chief O’Brien being a failure concerned me enough that I went to see Geordi to discuss the matter. When I recounted their meeting, he asked me if I gave them any privacy. This confused me, as I thought a first encounter was often held in a public place in case it went poorly. When I explained this, Geordi laughed. He explained that the issue was probably not my calculations, but my presence. He suggested he speak to Chief O’Brien and encourage him to arrange a meeting with Professor Ishigawa at a time convenient for them both. 

 

 **Stardate 43475.1**  
Today I observed Chief O’Brien singing to himself in Transporter Room 3, and earlier this morning when I visited the arboretum, I noticed that Professor Ishigawa was in unusual high spirits. Geordi has discouraged me from asking detailed questions about any encounters they may have had. I assured him that I had no intention of doing so. The reason is that I do not need to. One does not need to be a master of deduction to see that my calculations were correct.


End file.
